I’m not a good friend.

I’m not a good friend because I won’t text you everyday. I’ll leave your message on read, and I won’t remember to ask you how your new skincare routine is going.

I’m not a good friend because I can’t promise that I’ll listen to your 5-minute snapchat rant. In fact, you could type it all out in a message and I might not open it for a few days.

I’m not a good friend because I won’t like all of your Instagram posts. I won’t always hangout – not because I don’t want to, but because my social anxiety won’t allow it.

I’m not a good friend because I won’t check in on you every week, and when I do I might forget to ask about your partners new job.

You see, I’m not a good friend- but I’m not a bad one.

There are days when I am consumed with guilt over my lack of friendship qualities.

The societal pressure of being that friend is suffocating – to be the one that everyone can go to, the one that always replies, the one that gives the best gifts & does not skip a beat. The friend that never misses a holiday, shows up to every event, always has the best advice & remembers that your spouses childhood dogs birthday is next Thursday… that is an expectation that is all-consuming. An expectation that I am not capable of.

I won’t always buy you a Christmas gift, but I will buy you one on a Tuesday in March because I just knew you would love this.

I won’t go to that party, but I’ll come over on a random Sunday in my pajamas with two bottles of wine & a pair of roller skates.

I won’t remember every holiday, and I won’t visit often. But when I do it’ll be like I’ve visited everyday for the last 6 years because together feels like home.

I won’t check in on you every day, but I’ve been analyzing every one of your Instagram stories since we met & I can tell that you’re doing better today than you were last week.

So sure, I’m not a good friend. I’m not all-knowing, and there will be times when I am absent. But I will be loyal, steady in your corner & I will love you so fiercely with every ounce of me that allows it.

I’m not a good friend, but I am a forever one.

I love you. Thank you for being here.